


Wasn't Expecting That

by IKnowPlaces



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M, Non-Canonical Character Death, Own Kid Characters, Song Lyrics, jamie lawson, wasn't expecting that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-02
Updated: 2016-03-02
Packaged: 2018-05-24 10:03:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6150007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IKnowPlaces/pseuds/IKnowPlaces
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I thought love wasn't meant to last. Honey, I thought you were just passing through.<br/>If I ever get the nerve to ask, what did I get right to deserve somebody like you?<br/>I wasn't expecting that. </p><p>Or, the one where there's a heart-crushing song written about Steve and Bucky's life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wasn't Expecting That

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!  
> Ever since having heard Jamie Lawson's _Wasn't Expecting That_ I had this idea in my head and this is it.  
>  So yeah, this is heavily inspired by that song. Hope you like.

 

(1943)

 

_It was only a smile, but my heart it went wild._

_I wasn't expecting that._

 

 

It was nighttime in New York City. The milky moonlight was shining through a dirty kitchen window into a one-bedroom apartment in a run-down building in Brooklyn, where a skinny Steve Rogers and his best-friend-since-childhood James Barnes sat on mismatching chairs at the kitchen table. There was an almost-empty bottle of cheap Whiskey between them and two empty tumblers sat beside it, illuminated by the ray of light crossing the dirty tabletop.

Steve's throat hurt. He'd been holding back tears for the better part of the day and it was exhausting. He wiped at his cheeks, but no fluid covered them yet. “This was a bad idea.” Opposite him, Bucky stayed silent, but poured himself another generous helping of the amber liquid. He downed it religiously, before he looked up at his best friend. (And that was the problem, wasn't it, they were _friends_ , they were _best_ _friends_ even, but lately Steve thought that might not be enough to describe his feelings for Bucky anymore.) Bucky looked up pained and sighed heavily.

He was bound to leave for England in the morning. This was their last night. _Together_ , Steve thought, _not the last night ever_. Steve couldn't believe this was how it was. His best friend was going to leave, serve his country in the war, while he sat here doing nothing. This had been depressing in the morning when Steve was still sober, but now, now he felt like his heart was being ripped to shreds. Fucking _war_. His thoughts were frazzled and his mind all over the place.  
Bucky pushed himself off the chair with a heavy sigh and sat down beside Steve.

  
“Hey.” Bucky reached out and put a hand on Steve's. It was warm and fit around Steve's perfectly. He knew better than to tangle his fingers with the brunette's, though. “'Don't go all mush on me now, 'kay?” Bucky's smile softened into one that Steve recognized all too well. It was the one he never used on anybody else, as far as Steve could tell.

His private Bucky-smile. It felt so much like home.

And Bucky was _so close_ and his smile was all teeth and he looked so _handsome_ and Steve took in a lungful of stale air to drown the butterflies in his stomach in.

He wasn't expecting that.

 

 

 

_Just a delicate kiss, anyone could've missed._

_I wasn't expecting that._

 

 

It shouldn't have sent shivers down his spine, it _shouldn't have_. But boy, did it ever. Steve looked up and regretted it instantly, because there he was, staring at him with this undecipherable look in his eyes. He felt the blood rushing in his ears. He was a deer caught in headlights, unable to move.

But he didn't have to. Bucky tipped his chin up and pressed his lips to his in the most delicate way. The kiss lasted for only a heartbeat.

“Let's go to bed.”

His lips tingled with the sensation. If he hadn't been a part of the brief moment, he wouldn't have believed it happened at all. Steve opened his heavy eyes in a haze. Bucky already left the room to get ready for bed as though nothing had happened at all. But Steve still felt everything, the blood pumping in his ears, his stammering heart, his shaking hands. His tingling lips, the lingering touch of Bucky's skin on his chin.

He wasn't expecting that.

 

 

_Did I misread the sign? Your hand slipped into mine._

_I wasn't expecting that._

 

 

Sharing a bed wasn't new. They had shared a bed on cold winter nights more often than not. What was new, however, was the way Bucky hold out his hand from where he lay on the bed for Steve to take, while he stood nervously in the doorway.

What was new, was the way he tangled their fingers together, when Steve finally took hold of his hand.

What was new, was the way Bucky pulled him into the bed and cuddled up to him almost immediately.

What was new, was the way he kept kissing Steve's face, and neck, and shoulders.

“Let's make this night count, Stevie.”

He wasn't expecting that.

 

 

_You spent the night in my bed, you woke up and you said:_

“ _Well, I wasn't expecting that!”_

 

 

Steve woke up before Bucky, even though he wanted nothing more than to go back to sleep, to make the night last forever. Because today couldn't happen. Today was the day Bucky had to leave for _war_ , Bucky had to be a _soldier_ and _fight_ and yes, Steve had tried to enlist multiple times too, so what. He wanted to help, yes. But, selfish as he was, he didn't want Bucky to help. Not if it meant they couldn't do it together. Not if it meant he might not ever see him again.

Steve wanted to scream. At Bucky, at the world, just scream to get it all out. He did none of it and instead kept his eyes fixed on Bucky. Because he could. Fuck, this was a mess.

Bucky woke up like he always did. First scrunching his nose, then letting out a low, displeased hum. One arm covered his face and he lowered it slowly, sleepily blinking up at Steve. He let out an amused huff and Steve wanted to punch him. Today, nothing was funny, not in any way.

“Well, I wasn't expecting _that_.”

 

 

(1944)

 

_It was only a word, it was almost misheard._

_I wasn't expecting that._

 

 

“Remember when I made you ride the Cyclone at Coney Island?”

“Yeah, and I threw up?”

“This isn't payback, is it?”

“Now, why would I do that.”

“We were right, Doctor Zola's on the train-”

Steve took Bucky's hand and hold it tightly. Because he was Captain fucking America and if the Commandos had anything to say to him, well.

They entered the train and fought the bad guys, just like they had done all the times before. Steve still wasn't very used to his new body, but he moved fluidly even when the robot-thing ( _fucking_ Hydra) kept shooting at him and Bucky.

“Get down!” Steve shouted and pushed Bucky behind him, behind the shield. The impact threw him against the wagon and blew a hole into the opposite wall. He lost the shield. With growing horror he saw Bucky pick it up, aiming his gun at the enemy in front of him. He fired once, twice, but when the opponent loaded his weapons and shot at the shield, Bucky was thrown out of the hole.

 _Nonononono!_ Steve got up, aimed the shield and knocked the robot out for good. He didn't waste a single second. Every fiber in his body was on red alert, everything numb and tingling at the same time, adrenaline pushing through his veins. He blacked everything else out.

He lost the helmet and held himself steady on the edge of the hole. The wagon's walls were fitted with a handlebar at arms height and Bucky was dangling from one of it. It didn't look good.

“Bucky!” he heard himself shout, inching forward onto the piece of wall that should have been an inside-side but now was on the outside of the train. Mountains flew by as the train kept its speed towards the destination. The abyss was right beneath them. Steve registered that if he didn't get a hold of Bucky, he'd- no. “Hang on!” The handlebar already came off at one side, unable to keep the weight bestowed upon it. “Grab my hand!” _Please, pleasepleaseplease just grab my hand!_

Bucky tried, he tried so hard. It wasn't enough.

“Steve.” he whispered, just as Steve screamed “NO!”.

And Bucky fell.

Steve wasn't expecting that.

 

 

(1945)

 

_But it came without fear, a month turned into a year._

_I wasn't expecting that._

 

 

Steve would never forget the sound of Bucky's terrified screams. He would never forget his eyes, they had looked so, _so_ scared. He would never forget seeing Bucky fall, and not being able to do a damned thing about it.

He tried to erase the memories with alcohol, but he couldn't get drunk anymore.

He tried to erase the memories with a new love, and love he did, but it wasn't the same, wouldn't ever be.

He tried to erase the memories by taking down every fucking Hyra base he could get his hands on, but when he crashed the Valkyrie into the ice not a year later, his last thought was how lovely it would be to be united with his love at last.

 

 

(2011/2014/2016)

 

_Oh and isn't it strange, how a life can be changed._

_In the flicker of the sweetest smile._

 

 

When they defrosted Captain America 70 years into the future, they didn't know Steve Rogers had died. Or, so he thought at first. 70 years spent in the ice, and still he was alive and- well, not _well_ per se, but physically healthy and that was probably all they cared about, anyway. He tried to be grateful for the opportunity he'd been given and tried to ignore the fact that he was still very much alone. He adjusted to life in the 21 st century just fine.

When the Winter Soldier lost his mask on that street in DC, Steve couldn't believe his eyes. He'd never felt so relieved and terrified at the same time. When he got to a secure SHIELD location, Steve puked his feelings. All he'd ever wanted was to have Bucky back. This was not what he had had in mind.

When the Winter Soldier beat him half to death and then fished him out of the Potomac, Steve knew what he had to do. He knew Bucky was still alive, his Bucky was with him again and he'd stop short of nothing to get him back by his side.

Steve found Bucky two fucking years after the incident in the Helicarrier. The two longest years of his entire live. Bucky looked a little worse for wear (okay, he had lost a _limb_ ) and his memory could be pretty accurately described as Swiss cheese, but he was still Bucky. Admittedly, he wasn't the same person Steve had lost all those years ago. But Steve wasn't the same either.

“I remembered you, you know. On that bridge. I didn't know who you were, but I remembered you. They tried to wipe me again, but I think it still stuck with me after that.” Bucky smiled at him and Steve was so incredibly happy that he broke down crying. They'd be together 'till the end of the line.

 

 

(2032)

 

_We were married in spring. You know I wouldn't change a thing._

_Without that innocent kiss, what a life I'd have missed._

_If you'd not took a chance on a little romance,_

_when I wasn't expecting that._

 

 

“He looks absolutely mesmerizing.” Wanda told Steve with a warm smile on her face as she gave him a last once-over.

Steve Rogers has lived for over a century and seen pretty much everything, but he had never, _ever_ , felt as nervous as he did now. To say he was a nervous wreck would be an understatement. Wanda squeezed his hand and went out the door.

Seeing James Barnes smile at him from where he stood with his best man took Steve's breath away. For a moment he feared he'd have an asthma attack, Supersoldier-serum be damned. He couldn't help the tears flowing down his cheeks like the fucking Niagara Falls. Bucky looked absolutely stunning in the golden light of a late spring's evening and he was soon to be all his forever.

Bucky said “I do.” and put a ring on Steve's finger and then kissed him despite the priests protest that _it's not yet time!._ Steve fucked up his vows spectacularly. Bucky laughed until he cried happy tears. It was nothing short of perfect.

Later at night, they lay in bed and Steve held Bucky's metal hand in his, wondering how he'd gotten to this point in his life.

  
“Do you ever think maybe, if you hadn't kissed me that night, none of this would have happened?” What he meant was: not the serum would have happened, not the train, not torture and metal limbs, not brainwashing and dying and freezing. Bucky turned to kiss his cheek.  
  


“Yeah, but then we wouldn't've spend our lives together like this.” he held up Steve's hand and kissed the metal band around his finger. “If I had to die a thousand times to be with you, I'd do it in a heartbeat.”

He wasn't expecting any of this to happen. And if Steve Rogers cried himself to sleep on his wedding night, well, nobody but his husband had to know.

 

 

(2058)

 

_Time doesn't take long, three kids up and gone._

_I wasn't expecting that._

 

 

If someone had told Steve he'd once be married to his best friend and adopt three children with him, Steve would have laughed into that person's face. Now, this was his life. He retired the Superhero-existence and worked a safe job within SHIELD (the new SHIELD, the Hydra-free SHIELD), while raising kids when he was home.

Today marked the day his youngest daughter moved into a dorm to start college.

He didn't know how this had happened. He barely even remembered talking adoption, and now he had three kids to look after. Bucky hugged their daughter and kissed her cheek.

“Be safe.” he whispered into her ear and she opened her arms to welcome Steve into the embrace.

Bucky and he came home to an empty house. It was awfully quite around the place now. Steve didn't like it.

“We should adopt a dog.” Bucky declared at dinner three nights later. A week later, they adopted a Golden Retriever-Husky-mix from the local shelter.

Steve thanked the Gods (yes, _Gods_ , plural, that much he had learned) every night for the live he got to live. He thanked them for Bucky, for their daughters, for health, for a world relatively safe and the quiet life Bucky and he got to share together, due to everything they had been though. And been through they had been enough for a lifetime.

 

 

(2059)

_When the nurses they came, said: “It's come back again.”_

_I wasn't expecting that._

 

 

Steve's Supersoldier-serum was a miracle, that much was out of the question. Steve had four times the metabolism of an average man, meaning he pretty much had to eat for four. It also meant he couldn't get drunk anymore. Well, not on earthly alcohol, anyway. The serum also cured every disease he ever had, and amplified his health. It slowed down his aging process and kept him at physical peak condition, even when he didn't work out for a month.

Bucky's serum however, that was still very much a mystery. Bucky shared an increased metabolism, but he healed faster and could endure much more pain than Steve and he had to work out more often than him.

Bucky also got sick from time to time. He didn't catch the measles or the flu, though, no. The doctors were at a loss as to how his symptoms could be described best. When Bucky got sick, he couldn't keep anything down, he was in so much physical pain that no amount of morphine in the world could make it stop and sometimes he had some minor internal bleeding. They had tried to trace it back to his brain being brainwashed all those years ago and called it a relapse of some kind, but Steve had always known better and always feared.

So when he got a call from his son, saying Buck was in the hospital, he left everything as it was and drove down there, speeding through no less than three red lights on his way. There it was again. The fear deep down in his bones.

“Where is he? What's going on?” Steve was panicked. Neither he nor Bucky had to go to the hospital now that they were out of the field, unless it was absolutely necessary. So with Bucky here, Steve knew something must have happened. Maybe he'd been shot by one of those who _still_ saw him as a villain after all these years, maybe it had been a hit-and-run. It could have been various things, really, and if nobody told Steve right the fuck now what was going on he might just lose his shit.

A nurse appeared in front of him and upon seeing the look on her face the blood in his veins froze instantly. Cold shivers ran down his spine. His breathing picked up. This couldn't be happening. Not again.

“Captain, I'm afraid it's come back again.” she said it calmly, but something about her tone set Steve on edge. He tried to swallow around the massive lump in his throat. “And I'm afraid it is very serious this time. Sergeant Barnes has some very serious internal bleeding and he was having problems breathing, so we had to intubate him. He's asleep right now.” Her lips twisted and she looked pained for a moment, before a blank mask covered her face and she put a hand on Steve's arm and looked into his eyes, right through him. “He might not wake up again.”

Steve wasn't expecting that.

 

 

_Then you closed your eyes, took my heart by surprise._

_I wasn't expecting that._

 

 

Steve felt cold. Frozen to the place. His life has always been about Bucky one way or another and it has always been about losing Bucky. Over and over again. By now, Steve thought in a flash of hysteria, he should be used to it. He wasn't.

Seeing Bucky on the hospital bed, IV in his hand, bandages wrapped tightly around his stomach, basically holding him together, Steve had never felt so scared. He'd lost his love one too many times and this, this might actually be the end of the line. Steve just couldn't accept that.

So he sat beside Bucky for days, holding his hand in his. He didn't eat, didn't talk, he didn't react to anything or anyone that wasn't Bucky.

On the third day, Bucky's breathing hitched and Steve leaned forward alarmed, a flash of hope surging through his body that maybe Bucky would wake and be able to breathe just fine. The tiny sparkle of hope was crushed almost immediately, when Bucky resumed laying lifeless in the bed. Steve didn't cry. He couldn't. His daughters came by, but Steve didn't actually acknowledge them at all.

Eight days, sixteen hours and four minutes later, he couldn't handle it anymore. Steve got up hastily, knocking over his chair in the process. He didn't want to leave Bucky, but he couldn't stand seeing him like this anymore, either. Steve paid the SHIELD agents positioned by the door no mind and got himself a coffee. He was still able to see through the window into Bucky's room.

Two days, eighteen hours and two minutes later, Steve felt Bucky's fingers twitch in his hand.

“Bucky?” Steve asked hopefully, his voice hoarse from disuse. A few long moments later Bucky's eyes fluttered open. A minute later, he started choking on the tube in his throat. Nurses rushed in and got it out and Steve was both terrified and relieved, so fucking relieved that he was frozen to the place.

“Hey. Missed me?” Bucky croaked out some twenty minutes later when they were left alone again. Steve laughed humorlessly, a wet sob caught in his throat.

“You fucking jerk, don't ever fucking do that to me again.” He leaned forward and kissed his husband's forehead.

“Well, I didn't exactly _chose_ to get sick, punk.” Bucky smiled, words slurring with exhaustion.

Steve was so glad to have the love of his life back, that he didn't want a single inch to be between them. He squeezed into the bed with Bucky, careful not to jostle him too much and breathed Bucky in. Eventually, Bucky turned his head and kissed him gingerly and they spent the next half hour lazily making out, before Bucky complained that his lips were sore and Steve needed to shave.

They watched Mulan and Frozen and then nibbled on some rusk. Then Bucky cuddled up to his lover as much as he could.

“Go to sleep. I'll be here waiting for you tomorrow.” Steve said, pecking Bucky's hair as he got sleepier. The steady beeping from the heart monitor insinuated that a bit of sleep would only further his recovery. “I love you.”

“Hm.” Bucky hummed in response, eyelids fluttering heavy with sleep. “'love you, too.”

 

Steve got twelve hours with Bucky.

 

As Bucky finally closed his eyes to go to sleep, the heart monitor flatlined.

 

Steve wasn't expecting that.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I totally did _not_ take the bit of the song that is about proposing and make it about Bucky's fall from the train. What are you talking about.


End file.
